'My body was aching so much I couldn't even wash my hair'

Interview by Alex Gibbons

A mystery illness made even the simplest tasks impossible and threatened to force Anna Hemmings out of the sport she loved. But Britain's world canoeing champion battled back to regain her title

It all started to go wrong in 2003. From the start of the year I began to feel suddenly very tired during training and would not be able to recover. It had happened before but as a rule I needed only a day to recuperate. Now, it was taking up to a week. I'd go back to training and, after two days, I was back to square one. One afternoon after training I just slept and slept. When I returned to my canoe I realised after 10 minutes that I couldn't go on. I no longer had the energy. I went to see the doctor at the British Olympic Association. He said that I had unexplained under- performance syndrome, a polite way of saying I'd over-trained. He put me on a recovery programme, which I did for two weeks, but it made no difference. I sought numerous opinions from different doctors offering a variety of treatments: acupuncture, spiritual healing, psychotherapy, yoga. Everyone said they had the solution. I'd get my hopes up then a month later they'd be dashed. One doctor even said that my body had had enough and that I should retire. Who was he to tell me to quit? There were times when I was scared that I wouldn't find a way out.

It was then, in September 2003, that I was diagnosed with chronic fatigue syndrome. And yet now it felt as if part of my body was being taken away from me. I'm a very focused person, yet I no longer had a goal to aim at. I would wake up every morning not knowing what to do. It was strange because I looked absolutely normal, yet inside my muscles were aching so badly that sometimes I couldn't even hold my hands up to wash my hair in the shower.

There is a lot of debate about chronic fatigue syndrome and how it should be treated. What happened to me was that I lost balance in my life; I became too consumed with my sport and, paradoxically, some of the qualities that helped me to become a world champion also contributed to my failing health. I was, for instance, too single-minded, too determined. I simply put too much pressure on myself. I always went to bed early, I rarely saw my friends and I always had to eat the right foods. I never gave myself a break. Nor was I good at speaking to people about how I was feeling. I have great friends and I'm close to my sister but every time they asked me how I was, I'd tell them I was fine, even if I'd been bawling my eyes out that very morning. It was the worst period of my life - and I wasn't letting anyone help me.

One afternoon, on a trip to Chicago, one of my sponsors mentioned Reverse therapy. This is all about trying to treat the causes of chronic fatigue syndrome, rather than the symptoms. It recognises that mind and body are connected, that emotional health is linked to physical health. So I began reverse therapy in September 2004, which meant looking into myself more deeply. It was hard at first, very hard. But once I changed my attitude the experience was liberating; soon I was back in a canoe and training again. I entered my first race the following spring and, in July last year, I competed in the European Championships in the Czech Republic. Everyone was telling me to enjoy the experience, but without expecting too much of myself. But of course I wanted to win. There was a real conflict going on. I was tense throughout the race, so when I won by just half a second - well, it was so special. When I started therapy, my goal was always the world championships in Perth in 2005. When I won my fourth title there I had fulfilled my dream of the last two years. I don't worry about chronic fatigue syndrome returning because I know how to identify the symptoms and do something about them. Now, I'm planning for the Beijing Olympics. The marathon isn't an Olympic event, which is frustrating for me, so I have to dedicate my training to the 500m sprint if I'm to compete in China. But at least I am competing again and that is a victory in itself.